The drive to Liverpool felt like it took forever. Oakley and I were heading for his ninth surgery. We only got the news a short time ago which I talked about before, and it was a mad rush to get everything organized with the family. Oakley was so unbothered when we got there, always so full of life, playing and laughing even in the hospital before his surgery, brought me a fleeting sense of peace. His innocence and joy are such a contrast to the heavy burden we carry as mums, especially on the brink of another operation. He just smiled and played with his toys and I was the one left to worry.
When the surgery itself happened, let me tell you it was grueling. Oakley had punctures in the dura lining of his brain. The doctors assured me they tried to fix it and would be monitoring him closely, but their words couldn’t quiet the pit in my belly. Sitting in that theatre room, it was all I could do to keep myself from falling apart. Watching my little boy go through something so daunting, I was a bundle of nerves, my mind racing with ‘what-ifs.’
During those first few days in the hospital, my dad was my rock. He was there by my side, offering strength and support when I felt like I had none left. His presence was truly everything for Oakley and me. He held my little man (and my hand) when we needed it, whispered reassurances when I felt like breaking down, and kept me grounded when everything felt like it was spiraling out of control.
When I finally got to see Oakley in the PICU, my heart was in my mouth. He was battling so hard, his little face swollen, one eye closed and covered in bandages from the work on his skull and brain. The sight of him, so small and fragile, hooked up to all those machines, was almost too much to bear. The waiting was unbearable, a feeling I’m sure many medical families know all too well. The craniofacial doctors were closely monitoring him, but it felt like time was standing still. Each second stretched into an eternity as I sat by his side, watching and waiting for any sign of improvement.
Then, everything changed.
There’s a moment that only mothers can understand – a gut feeling that something is wrong. I couldn’t take my eyes off Oakley, one of my many sleepless nights, and I noticed he wasn’t right. He wasn’t recognizing me when I looked at him, and he looked floppy and lethargic. I just know something wasn’t right. I called the medical staff over, insisting, “He’s not right. I can feel it.” They looked at me with concern, but I knew, deep in my bones, that something was terribly wrong.
My worst nightmare was true. Oakley’s temp spiked and the medical staff uncovered that he had developed an infection from the initial surgery. Holding his little hand, my heart sank. Not again. He fought so bravely, but the next day, the doctors confirmed he needed emergency surgery. Oakley was being treated for sepsis and a CSF fluid leak. He was intubated and so fragile, and I felt utterly helpless.
At this point, my emotions were all over the place. I was so proud of my little warrior, but it was a horrible week filled with tears, fears, and sleepless nights. What kept me going was the amazing support from my family, friends, and followers online.🤍🤍Your messages and prayers truly helped as Oakley and I faced the unknown. The kindness of others was a light in our darkest hours.
After the emergency surgery, seeing Oakley in the PICU again was heart-wrenching. He wasn’t doing well, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that he is a fighter. My little Oakley, with his unbreakable spirit, was battling through the toughest fight of his young life. I’ll share more about the following week soon, but for now, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support. 💖
I remember every detail of those five days. The sleepless nights, the constant worry, and the endless prayers. Us mums need to be strong even when it feels like all we want to do is cry into a pillow – but we are so much stronger than that! My little Oakley is such a fighter, and he makes mummy proud every day!
I’ll share more what happened after that at the hospital and what else happened to my little Oakley in my next blog with you all soon. 💖
Leave a Reply