The moment Siennah met Oakley 🤍

I just want to say a massive thank you for taking the time to read and subscribe to my blog. I hope you know that I appreciate every single one of you who are following my journey. It takes a lot for me to open up on my platform but it’s also like therapy for me so thank you again my huns.

I’m taking it back to when Oakley was first born. Siennah came into the hospital to meet him with my mum. She had been texting me asking for a photo for days but I didn’t want to worry her. I didn’t want to send a photo and not be able to explain everything to her face to face. She’s very inquisitive and likes to ask questions about everything and I knew I didn’t have the answers.

My mum brought her up to the hospital and Siennah’s face lit up when she saw Oakley. I burst into tears straight away. All that was going through my mind was ‘does she know he’s not well? Does she know her brother has a condition?

All these things I was asking myself – and when I look back I think I was stupid for getting so upset. Siennah was 9 years old, she looked at her brother like she looked at Maddox and Romeo. Children are innocent, she was so proud of her new baby brother. It hurt me that I had to now explain to her that Oakley wasn’t well. My mum stepped in and put Oakley in her arms and said to her ‘your bother isn’t well but he’s going to be ok’. Siennah said “what do you mean nanny he’s so cute”.

My mum had tears in her eyes but tried to hold it together for me and Siennah, she took Oakley’s hands out of his mittens and explained that his fingers were different and he will need operations to make them better. Siennah still didn’t see any difference in him, I just love how strong she is.

A lovely nurse came in and also spoke to Siennah without over whelming her and explained Oakley will need some surgeries to help him. She couldn’t wait to get him home! For me this was such an emotional day, Siennah has always been my rock through the tough times. As a mother your children pull you through the darkest times and they don’t even know it. I still felt so guilty and it was because she could see and feel I wasn’t right but I was trying to be strong.

After being in the hospital for 2 weeks with Oakley it still hasn’t sunk in that my life had changed drastically. It was almost time to go home so the community team had to get involved. They had to come to the house to make sure everything was in place for Oakley. Myself and Aaron had to get trained in his NG (the tube through his nose for his feeds). I thought this was something I would never have to do. After the training I realised it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I mean putting a tube all the way down my baby’s nose into his tummy to help him feed was something that I just had to do.

My mum was still up north with us which I was so grateful for. She seemed more confident with my baby than I was. I also had to have CPR training, at this point I had no clue why? I never had that with my last 3 babies. I remember thinking are they trying to tell me something is going to happen to my baby? The lead consultant at the time told me they have to do this on any baby that is as poorly as Oakley. She again said this is your time to have your baby bubble at home and enjoy the first 6 months before Oakley’s surgery. She couldn’t be further away from the truth (I’ll explain this more in my next blog).

The day I got to go home I felt relieved to have time as a family but also scared. Why am I having CPR training if my baby is ok? The hospital seemed to be my comfort at that time as I had no clue what I was doing. I was glad to have my mum coming with me as she seemed clued up. The first night Oakley slept next to my mum and me and Aaron went to bed. She wanted me to rest and switch off. She only had a few nights left up north, so she wanted to help as much as possible before she had to leave. Aaron and I were anxious most of the night it just didn’t feel right being at home. It wasn’t a baby bubble at all and that hurt. This feeling was just the start.

My phone was constantly ringing and going off with people worrying. Everyone knew Oakley was born, but the pressure me and his dad felt was unbelievable. We knew people wanted to know why we hadn’t shown our son, we just weren’t ready for anything that was about to come.