28th of February 2023. This felt like the longest day of my life at this point. I know I had been in similar situations with Oakley and surgeries but nothing like this. My heart was breaking and my emotions took over. The morning of his first major Craniofacial surgery had come around, my mum had the kids in Newcastle, she sent me some photos of them and told me to worry only about Oakley today. I still feel guilty to the other kids but why? They are happy and safe.
After the doctors had explained everything that was going to happen to my son, they then said he had to go down to theatre now. My step mum, dad and sister walked him down to the surgery ward. I broke down with Oakley in my arms outside the theatre doors, I wasn’t in a good place. The risks couldn’t get out of my head. I know I shouldn’t think like that but when someone is constantly telling you what COULD happen you can’t help but switch off from it. My dad said to me “do you want me to take him in,” I couldn’t even speak, no words came out. I kissed Oakley and gave him to my dad. I took my sister away and my step mum went in with my dad too. My sister was only 3, I know some people couldn’t understand why she was there, but my dad and step mum couldn’t not bring her when they live so far away. But also, I was glad because she kept me going through this. I needed her there more than I actually needed anyone. How could I be depending on a 3 year old to keep my head on the ground? But I was and I’m not ashamed to admit that.
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