It was 27th November 2022. Christmas wasn’t far away and Newcastle opened up their Winter Wonderland. I took Siennah and the boys that evening. Normally Christmas is the happiest time of year and I always make a big deal for the kids. My heart was hurting but I needed to put on a brave face. I couldn’t take Oakley as it was so cold and I didn’t want him catching anything and ending up back in the hospital. The equipment was so much to take as well as the buggy and 2 toddlers. I went with Nicole and Josh and their two boys. I actually cried when I was there I just knew this wasn’t going to be a nice time of year for me. I was searching for a new home for me and the kids everything was just getting too much. When I look back at photos I can see the pain in my eyes, it ain’t nice, but the kids had a blast!! Nicole and Josh have always been so supportive, I honestly don’t know where I would be today with out them.

At Christmas I always make sure the kids have elf the shelf balloons and cakes. I woke up in the morning of 30th November and brought the boys and Siennah down, they were so excited!!! Night times were so long as Oakley was feeding every 2 hours, and then I was up all day with the kids. I hadn’t ever felt exhausted like that before. I couldn’t understand why Oakley was not settling and why I couldn’t get him into a routine.